Are your parents feeling weighed down by the invisible pressure to leave you an inheritance? If so, it's time for you to free them from that burden.

You see, the rules of the game have changed, and in this week's episode I talk about the new definition of inheritance, as well as five tips that will make supporting your parents a little bit easier.

Show notes:

• [02.01] The thinking behind the long-held beliefs of inheritance.

• [05.59] A new definition of inheritance.

• [07.28] One of the key foundations of wealth. Download my free worksheet and get to know your numbers.

• [10.24] Five tips on how to make it easier to support your parents.

Quotes

"There is absolutely no need for them to carry this burden. They have educated you, they have provided you with love and care, and that is all the inheritance any human should need." - Lisa Linfield

"It is each of our own jobs to earn the money we need to take care of ourselves. Not the job of our parents. Not the job of our children." - Lisa Linfield

"Almost every single one of us in the 65 and younger age group are guaranteed to look after at least one parent, between us and our spouse, if not two." - Lisa Linfield

"You need to know (and be able to budget for) if your parents are going to run out of money." - Lisa Linfield

"We come from a society where talking to our parents or children about the state of your personal money is just not done." - Lisa Linfield

"Make sure that you're not doing this to your children. Make sure you've got enough money so that your kids don't get put into this position." - Lisa Linfield

Related posts and episodes

• Aging parents ;dealing with the financial and emotional challenges

• Don’t make THIS mistake with your life insurance

• The modern fable you have GOT to listen to!

• The challenge of giving your kid the best

• How much is enough to Stop Work?

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TRANSCRIPT

There is a pressure building in the older generations over a long-held belief that you 'do well' when you leave an inheritance for your children and grandchildren. Like that's some kind of pinnacle you reach as you die.

It's silent corollory is eating away at them... that if you're unable to, you've somehow failed. And for many, that failure is even worse, as they KNOW deep in their gut, they're going to run out of money, and become a burden to their kids.... and they're secretly living with the hope that they'll die beforehand. And this perceived failure is weighing them down and stressing them out.

For all of you listening out there, you NEED to free your parents from this burden. You HAVE to have the conversation that tells them the rules of the game have changed. There is a NEW definition of inheritence... and today I'm going to tell you what it is... so that you change your thinking, and help them to change theirs.

Here's the problem - in the old days, people lived to 65 on average, so the retirement age was set at 60, and statistically there was only 10% of the population left after 70. That means 90% of people never had to worry about their money lasting… and so were able to leave money to their kids.

And so they did. And, it really helped their 40 something children who, at that stage had 20 something kids who were needing to attend university… or who had finished university.

That inheritence meant that the 40 somethings who hadn't managed to save yet for their retirement got a wadge of cash that filled up the retirement bucket and had 20 years to compound and grow until they retired at 60 and the cycle went.

Now the 70 somethings of today are struggling with a long held belief from when they were young... that they should be leaving money to their kids when they die... it's what you do as a good, responsible parent.

But what they haven't been told, or taken on board, is that the average life expectancy is now 79 in the US and 82 in the UK and Europe... and those parents who are 75 already should statistically live to 87 on average, meaning half of them will live to beyond that.

So as financial advisers, we plan that you will live to 95.

But just this week I had a discussion with some people at the hairdresser on Friday about this issue. The one person was expressing utter frustration with his mother, that she wouldn't spend a cent now because she felt she needed to leave money for the him and his siblings...

And it made me realise how common it is that this behaviour happens.

And it's heartbreaking - that our parents work so hard their whole lives and then, when they have the time and money to do great things, they don't... because they're subscribing to this old thinking that they shouldn't enjoy it, they should pass it on.

But in the chair next to me was a 65-70 year old lady who was pretty quiet...

When I returned from the wash station she and the hairdresser were chatting about how bad she felt NOT being able to leave her children money... and my heart just broke.

And it was then that it struck me how deeply entrenched this belief is that a good parent leaves money to their children.

At the heart of it, I could see the weight of disappointment in herself - a weight she should never carry

So I want all of you listening to find a moment when you can relieve your parents of this guilt, and have this conversation - use this podcast as an excuse that triggered it.

What I want you to tell them is that there is absolutely NO NEED for them to carry this burden.

They have educated you, provided you love and care, and that is all the inheritance any human should need. It is each of our own jobs to earn the money we need to take care of ourselves... not the job of our parents, nor the job of our children.

Release them of the guilt

Which brings me to my response to the amazing human in the chair next door to me.

I told her that as a financial adviser I work hard with my clients to redefine their definition of inheritence.

That any child who doesn't need to pay for their parents in retirement is the modern day equivalent of a rockerfeller child, receiving the most amazing gift from their parents.

And I want to stress that to those of you listening right now.

Almost every single one of us in the 65 and younger age group are guaranteed to look after at least one parent between us and our spouse... if not two... and some of the less fortuneate ones are going to have to support both sets.

So, if you are one of the lucky one's whose parents don't need you to pay monthly, absolutely take the time to phone your parents and thank them for this gift. Because you are a rare, lucky little 'rockefeller' child.

I can't begin to tell you how relieved and how big the lady in the chair next to me smiled.

With great pride, she looked at me and said, "well in that case, my kids are rockefellers!!!!"

Yes M'am, they are, and you are amazing to not need their support.

So please friends, reach out to your parents and

1. free them of this burden they're carrying of an expectation put on them from the society they grew up in

and 2. open the door to chat to them about their finances.

Because It comes down to one of my key foundations of wealth… We ALL need to KNOW.

Know our own numbers (how much we spend and how much we need in order to retire)… and how much we need to put away in order to have enough to retire.

And trust me, you need to KNOW if your parents are going to run out of money.

Because the sooner you know, the sooner you can act and reduce the impact of that train crash.

We come from a society where talking to your parents or children about the state of your personal money is just not done.

Parents must bear the burden... not children.

But that thinking causes so many challenges

As you all know, I do one off, paid financial plans because I'm passionate that everyone should know.

More and more these days I'm hired by children to do a financial plan on their parents.

I guess somehow having a 'middle man' helps maintain the integrity of the parents, but still allows the family to jointly plan.

And it's a role I take very seriously - because preserving the dignity of these amazing humans is so important.

Just recently I did just this - and we worked out that the parents were going to run out of cash in 6 months. Literally, they had 6 months of cash.

So we worked out how to sell a few unused assets to buy them some time, and then worked out how to sell the house - which, when it's done will enable them to have another 6 years before their kids will need to pay for them...

So here's the question - do you KNOW if your parents have enough? And whether you are soon going to need to support them?

Knowing allows you all to take the steps you need to reduce the costs…and knowing ahead of time gives you time to prepare, more time to reduce costs and squeeze out more years before it hits you.

Truly friends, even if you don't hire someone to help, download my free worksheet @ Lisalinfield.com/howmuch and do the calculation with them... You just need four numbers from them and you can all know!

Now for those of you who find out that you need to support your parents, I wanted to give you 5 tips on how to make it a little easier

1. The earlier you know, the earlier you can start saving for it and get those savings to start earning interest and growing so the task is not as heavy.

2. The quicker you can get them to cut costs, the more it will delay you needing to support them. So you all have to be ruthless. The goal is to try and stretch out the time so that you can finish paying for your own children before you have to start paying for them. Swap the kids cost for the parent.

3. Like I said in the previous episode, be clear with them that you will take on their medical aid - even if it's just a hospital plan... because trust me, when they get rushed to hospital, you will pay.

4. And if you can, take over the life insurance if the numbers make sense, so you get some of the money back

5. Treat them with dignity. This truly is the most humiliating experience for them - especially if you come from a culture where children don't support parents. Having to rely on your kids or have your kids tell you what you can and can't do is just really, really tough.

So friends, download that How Much is Enough spreadsheet for both you and your parents…. If neither of you know…. @LisaLinfield.com/howmuch.

But most importantly, you have to start opening the channels of communication with your parents… you all need to know that the sooner you tackle this, the easier it is for all of you.