Has the chaos of the world around you driven you into survival mode? Here are some reflections from inside a riot zone that may come in handy…

It’s like Maslow says, when your survival (but more importantly the survival of your children) is under threat, everything else disappears. And it’s true, amidst the sound of gunshots, the implementation of war time safety measures and worrying about how I was going to feed my children, following dreams was about as far from my radar as flying to the moon.

If you are ever in a position of ongoing threat, the reflections in this week’s episode are tools that you can use to create emotional space, as well as some tips on how to support others who may be going through a tough time.

Stay safe this week, hug your children, and every time you pour milk or eat bread and vegetables, give thanks for how unbelievably lucky you are.

Show Notes

• [04.38] On Monday began a week I don’t think I will ever forget.

• [08.17] Tuesday for me was rock bottom.

• [11.05] It was then that I felt angry at everyone out there.

• [12.41] On Wednesday the goal was set… Milk.

• [15.00] On Thursday the taxi’s started to run.

• [16.55] If you’re ever in a position of ongoing threat… (Some reflections)

• [20.31] If you’re supporting people going through a tough time…
  

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• The little known determinant of success – hope

• Coping with the new normal of Coronavirus lockdown with Mary Baird-Wilcock

• Change your life by thinking deeply about this
  

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Quotes

"Never before had I worried that I would be unable to feed my kids.  And now it was the only thing I could think about." - Lisa Linfield

"When life turns to the basics, your primal instincts kick in." - Lisa Linfield

"In a time of crisis – it’s so important you conserve your mental energy for your kids, family and yourself." - Lisa Linfield

"Helping others shifts your gaze from your own hardship to how lucky you are to have what you have." - Lisa Linfield

"God will bring people to support you through every crisis." - Lisa Linfield

"I needed people to walk quietly alongside me, love me and help me find food." - Lisa Linfield

Script:

192 – Reflections from inside a riot zone

​​Has the chaos of the world around you driven you into survival mode? Here are some reflections from inside a riot zone that may come in handy…

It’s like Maslow says, when your survival (but more importantly the survival of your children) is under threat, everything else disappears. And it’s true, amidst the sound of gunshots, the implementation of war time safety measures and worrying about how I was going to feed my children, following dreams was about as far from my radar as flying to the moon.

If you are ever in a position of ongoing threat, this week’s episode outlines some tools that you can use to create emotional space, as well as some tips on how to support others who may be going through a tough time.

Stay safe this week, hug your children, and every time you pour milk or eat bread and vegetables, give thanks for how unbelievably lucky you are.

Does the chaos of life have you feeling close to the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? After the Week from Hell, I wanted to share some reflections from inside a riot zone that may help you if you ever need them.

1. Maslow

2.  Feeding my family.  Today I need to find Milk… that was Wednesday’s goal.  Today I need to find Bread… that was Thursday’s goal.  Today I need to make sure that my helper’s family has milk and bread.  It’ is literally that simple… and your energy, focus and time are spent in pursuit of only that goal – survival.

3.  

After I wanted to share a few reflections from inside a riot zone. 

Some tips for your to store in the back of your head, should you ever need them (that I hope you may never need)

 for you to store in the back of your head that I hope you may never need, but may come in handy… If you’re ever in a position of ongoing threat…

After a period of unexpected war time safety measures, and the unbelievable barriers it felt we had to climb to do normal daily activities,

This week, following dreams was about as far from my radar as flying to the moon. At bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,

It’s like Maslow says – when your survival, but more importantly the survival of your children – both physical safety and finding food – is under threat, everything else disappears.  As the gunshots pierce the air, your goals become simple and lazer focus.  Feeding my family.  Today I need to find Milk… that was Wednesday’s goal.  Today I need to find Bread… that was Thursday’s goal.  Today I need to make sure that my helper’s family has milk and bread.  It’ is literally that simple… and your energy, focus and time are spent in pursuit of only that goal – survival.

On Monday began a week I don’t think I will ever forget.

In the ultra-connected world we live in, information is both your lifeline and the black cloud that can press heavy on you and make you feel so suffocated.

Never before had I worried that I would be unable to feed my kids.  And now it was the only thing I could think about.

The absence of freedom, of choice, and of physical space turned anxiety into panick.

In one sentence, it summed up the unbelievable barriers it felt we had to climb to do the normal daily activities.  In one sentence, I felt seen… like someone actually understood what it took just to live a normal life.

●        When life turns to the basics, your primal instincts kick in.  And protection and provision is the most basic stress of life.

If you’re supporting people going through a tough time…

●         I needed people to walk quietly alongside me, love me and help me find food. 

With the emotional space comes the ability to start processing the week that’s past.  I’m sure as I start reading news, start opening myself up to conversations, other emotions will come.  Right now I’m overwhelmed by gratitude for the smallest things.  Finding sugar on the shelf.  Being able to move freely.  And I know it may sound weird, but I’m grateful for good old fashioned lockdown – the variety that doesn’t have a riot stuck in the middle of it.

Stay safe this week, hug your children, and every time you pour milk or eat bread and vegetables, give thanks for how unbelievably lucky you are.

Hello everyone and welcome to today’s episode of Working Women’s Wealth.  I’m Lisa Linfield and I’m building a community of Women who are committed to the journey of living Financially Free lives – so that we can have the money that enables us to CHOOSE – IF we want to work, where we work, and when, so that we can follow our dreams.

This week, following dreams was about as far from my radar as flying to the moon. It’s like Maslow says – when your survival, but more importantly the survival of your children – both physical safety and finding food – is under threat, everything else disappears.  As the gunshots pierce the air, your goals become simple and lazer focus.  Feeding my family.  Today I need to find Milk… that was Wednesday’s goal.  Today I need to find Bread… that was Thursday’s goal.  Today I need to make sure that my helper’s family has milk and bread.  It’ is literally that simple… and your energy, focus and time are spent in pursuit of only that goal – survival.

On Monday began a week I don’t think I will ever forget.

In the ultra-connected world we live in, information is both your lifeline and the black cloud that can press heavy on you and make you feel so suffocated.

As the gunfire started piercing the stillness of a corona locked down world, and the tear gas bombs started going off, the local WhatsApp groups started going wild.  Videos of chaos, looting, entire shopping centres burning to the ground.

Unfortunately, around the world we are used to seeing people looting stores across the world.  Most times taking food and necessities for their families… which is almost understandable.  Then across the world we see it escalate to opportunistic thieves raiding electronics and luxury goods – and this was the same pattern followed here.

But when people start setting fire to agriculture lands just to burn them – that truly struck my heart.  Our house is next to a forest, and many farms in the area are timber farms.  Right now it’s our dry season where a single flame can set wildfires going as the grass is dry and the pine cones and needles become like fuel – accelerating the fires.  Monday afternoon was windy, which meant any fire could get out of control extremely quickly.

The Whatsapp beeped, and word came that there was a fire set in the area right next to our house.  My heart just dropped to my toes and I felt sick.  If the wind blew north the forest would go quickly… and if it burnt south, our complex was in its path. 

And then two messages came I never thought I’d ever receive.  A safety sunset curfew of 5:30pm and an emergency evacuation shelter set up at the local school.  War Time safety measures being enforced by the local community.  The police had managed to push back the looters out of the town far enough that the men of the town could set up barricades on the five roads that go into our town… and now they wanted us locked inside to enable them to keep us safe.

Monday night saw us praying for our safety and the safety of the community around us, and counting the toll.  One farmer had 100,000 laying chickens stolen… many commercial warehouses looted… people’s entire livelihood and retirement going up in flames.  My heart ached with despair – these weren’t people on the news – these were local shops I went to, friends, neighbours. 

Closer to home though, the fire near our house had been brought under control and then put out.  A victory for the goodies.  But it became clear as similar stories trickled in, that this was a tactic that was being used across the area to try and draw the men from their barricades locking down the town back to the farms to fight the fire so the looters could get in. 

And it started to dawn on me that this was a lot deeper than a normal pattern of protesters – then opportunistic looters – then organised criminals.  This was a well-planned destabilising movement to create anarchy.  When the army arrived I worried even more.  You see, declaring a state of emergency hands power to the police and army – and in South Africa those are run by two men who support our past president – and the chaos here.

Tuesday for me was rock bottom.

 The chaos had taken down the local Telkom infrastructure, which also supported the cell phone provider John and I used.  Both my children’s schools are on that infrastructure, as well as many of the teachers.  So what was supposed to be their first day of online school – and the ability to try and shield them from the chaos we were feeling -  was unable to commence.

We were physically locked into our house, too scared to even go into the garden.  We’re renting a tiny little house as we do renovations, and so all 5 of us were stuck in a tiny location with no phone signal and only intermittent wifi from an old cell phone router on a network still operational.  The frustration and panic of not being able to phone, the noise inside the house and the gunfire outside, and the inability to walk outside was crushing.  My anxiety levels started to sky rocket.

I started snapping at my children, and the feeling of overwhelm started to sink me.   I knew I needed to get outside - so whilst everyone was buried in their devices, I defied my husband and unlocked the door and went to sit behind a bush at the bottom of the garden.  I just needed physical space, quiet, and time alone.

I wrote this little poem I thought I’d share:

Freedom.

Right now it seems crushingly unattainable.

Locked Down by Covid as each day friends, colleagues and clients become ill and die.

Locked Inside my house by riots outside.

Space.

The freedom to walk outside.

The privilege of being alone.

Choice.

The gift we assume we will always have.

When it’s removed,

Panic.

The crushing feeling of fear for your safety

The worry that consumes you for your children.

I had just worked out that our milk and bread would run out after tomorrow… that not one shop was available… no roads were open to the neighbouring towns.  Not only was I physically unsafe, it didn’t matter how much money I had, I would not be able to put my hands on food.

Never before had I worried that I would be unable to feed my children.  And now it was the only thing I could think about.

The absence of freedom, of choice, and of physical space turned anxiety into panick.

It was then that I felt angry at everyone out there

It had nothing to do with them.  It was me.

As I look back, I see that people who weren’t actually in the riot zone were up the ladder of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.  The were safe, their families had food.  So for them, they had the mental space to watch and share videos of what was happening.  For them this was a riot ‘out there’… but for me this was my first-hand experience.

It’s no point saying ‘just don’t read the WhatsApp messages’.  You have to.  At that point they are your literal lifeline… those of your community.  But I absolutely stopped reading any other group whatsapps besides from people in our province.  And I watched NO videos or news anywhere.  I was drowning in my own worry, and I knew that if I took anything more in it would push me over the edge.

As the sun set, I knew I had to find a way to shut it all out.  I had to protect my children from the stress – and myself.

We lit the fire, poured the Gin and Tonic and cracked open a family game of Uno.  And as we laughed, shouted ‘Uno’ and shuffled the cards, I felt normal.  In that moment, I focused on being present with my family, on not worrying about tomorrow, and giving myself permission to laugh and enjoy it all.  It’s the wonderful thing about kids – they force you outside yourself… and in the act of creating joy for them, you access it in yourself.

On Wednesday the goal was set… Milk

With the town secured by the local community but cut off from the normal world as the highway was shut, the WhatsApp messages were starting to shift from the devastation of looting, to reports of food availability.

Fortunately being surrounded by farms means that industrious people were sourcing pick up truck bakkie loads of vegetables and barrels of milk.  But the need was huge.  So between John and I, we spent four hours in queues for milk and vegetables.  It was like being on the amazing race – you’d wait 45 minutes in a queue only to find the stock had run out, and someone had heard of another place with vegetables.

Each time we found food, there was an orderly, socially distanced mask-wearing queue of people chatting to their neighbours 6 feet apart.  What was ironic was how great it felt to be able to just be part of a community all united in helping each other out as we shared our physical needs and others offered suggestions as to where to find them.  I heard about grandchildren, the amazing way the hospital dispensary had shifted to support walk-in emergencies, how flour was the new gold, and the unbelievable job the local men were doing in protecting those five roads whilst we slept.

One truly amazing benefit of these riots is that the town community and the local township came together to work to restore peace, safety and order.  Two communities historically separated by geography, affluence and race came together against the common enemy of large-scale organised revolt.

As the sun set on Wednesday, and I felt I would be able to provide food for my family, I felt the suffocating toxic cloud start to lift.  Between John and I we had spent four hours finding the basics of milk, eggs and vegetables.  We felt safe enough to let ourselves and our children into the garden, and the added sense of physical and emotional space as well as being nourished by the community of strangers I had met in the queues made me feel a hope and a sense of God’s protecting presence.

On Thursday the taxi’s started to run…

… which meant people were able to get transported to work, and our helper Khosi returned to work.  I felt like an angel had appeared – she is part of our family and I worried for her safety.  As we caught up, it was clear the food hadn’t made it to the township – and as people didn’t have the money to buy more than they needed for the days ahead – or the electricity and fridges to store them, the situation was dire.

Because we had found the basics yesterday, my focus turned to finding food for her.  I had the privilege of being able to spend four hours again in the queues for her, and the car to undertake the Amazing Race part 2 to find supplies.

By Thursday afternoon we were able to buy 15 items from the local grocery store.  Because they had shut suddenly, their stocks from Sunday were still there – and the limiting to 15 items meant that everyone in the community could get what they needed.  The focus of everyone was basics, and the community spirit was amazing.

On Thursday evening, my physio sent me a message that made me laugh, but understand why I felt so stressed…

Hi Lisa.  I hope you are safe and well.  Barring pandemics, curfews, road closures, burning buildings and looting people… would you like to come for physio tomorrow?

In one sentence, it summed up the unbelievable barriers it felt we had to climb to do the normal daily activities.  In one sentence, I felt seen… like someone actually understood what it took just to live a normal life.

So I wanted to share a few reflections for you to store in the back of your head that I hope you may never need, but may come in handy…

If you’re ever in a position of ongoing threat…

●        Take short, regular breaks of quiet, alone time – even if it’s hiding in the toilet.  As a mum, you hold the weight of your family, and protecting them physically and emotionally from the chaos is crushing.  When life turns to the basics, your primal instincts kick in.  And protection and provision is the most basic stress of life.

●        Go gently on yourself when you lose it – not being able to feed your children, and continuously fearing every noise means you are leaking emotional energy at a rapid rate.  You are guaranteed to lose it.  Unfortunately we are all human.  When I did, I took myself to the bottom of the garden and just breathed.  I realised later on this weekend I felt like I had held my breath for the entire week.  And I find myself regularly taking deep breaths and letting out the sigh.

●        Allow yourself whatever you need to escape – there are times in life you have to do what you have to do.  Moments of quiet, plugging yourself into your favourite music, a glass of wine, chocolate.  It doesn’t matter what it is, now is a time to nourish yourself

●        Shut out the noise – of social media and the news.  My mum comes from a family that believed that you need to be well read and well informed.  And so she reads at least two newspapers a day.  Much to her horror I don’t.  I get the business news sent to me, and anything else that is hugely topical will rise to the top of the whatsapp messages.  I seek out the news I need.  In a time of crisis – it’s so important you conserve your emotional energy for your kids, family and yourself.  If you continue to be emotionally assaulted by videos or news, it leaks out emotional energy – fuels anger, despair.  Shut it out… otherwise you will find yourself snapping more than you need.

●        Help where you can – somehow helping others shifts your gaze from your own hardship to how lucky you are to have what you do.

●        Understand that not everyone’s experience is similar – this weekend I met people who were just 45 minutes away in the city nearby.  They had felt little hope through this – as they saw burnt out buildings, helped friends clear up their commercial properties and lived their despair of their life savings gone.  I finished this week with hope that our community was stronger for this – they finished with despair out how people could be so vindictive and pillage so unnecessarily.

●        Let go – of being surprised at people you thought should support you and those that didn’t.  God will always bring people to support you through every crisis.  It just doesn’t always look like who you thought it would be.  We found unbelievable support and care from strangers in a queue – and some people who I thought would reach out never did.

If you’re supporting people going through a tough time…

●        Will this lift them up? – put everything through this filter.  It amazed me when people from other countries or cities not impacted individually messaged me videos of looting and violence and burning buildings.  Trust me, those going through it are bombarded by their own neighbourhood messages, they don’t need additional videos to sink them further.  Even on group whatsapps – think carefully who’s on it… and lift them up.

●        Send short messages of love – think of them as being on energy saver mode, their battery barely operating… and tell them not to worry replying… their energy is going to the basics of trying to keep their family safe and fed, and fighting their own fears.

●        If they work for you, give them space and time – John is the one of the most senior people in the bank in our region, and I heard him saying just this to HR.  Understand it takes them four hours just to get milk to feed their kids.  They have no headspace for anything else besides food and safety.  If your question truly isn’t absolutely time sensitive for today or this week, don’t even ask it.  Also understand that there may be times when they want to use work as an escape.  I struggled with people needing me this week – but I also cleaned my inbox in the middle of it (although prayed people wouldn’t respond).  Crossing off easy to do’s made me feel I could be in control of a tiny piece of my world.

●        Give them what they need – everyone is impacted when your country hurts… and it’s another layer on your own wounds and fears.  But choose who you process with… and process your challenges with people in a similar situation.  I personally didn’t feel I had the luxury of debating politics, and to survive needed to stay away from negativity.  I just needed people to walk quietly alongside me, love me or help me find food. 

Today I went into the village to get milk.  The barricades are down, and the trucks were in the shopping center bringing food to stock the shelves.  I was able to physically drive in close to the shop and wheel a trolley to my car… and I felt the clouds start to lift.

With the emotional space comes the ability to start processing the week that’s past.  I’m sure as I start reading news, start opening myself up to conversations, other emotions will come.  Right now I’m overwhelmed by gratitude for the smallest things.  Finding sugar on the shelf.  Being able to move freely.  And I know it may sound weird, but I’m grateful for good old fashioned lockdown – the variety that doesn’t have a riot stuck in the middle of it.

Stay safe this week, hug your children, and every time you pour milk or eat bread and vegetables, give thanks for how unbelievably lucky you are.